Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
