Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The best revenge is premature balding
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
