True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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