My liver just broke up with me...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
and you fell through a lawn chair
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