if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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