she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
