Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
