There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
