At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
