ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
