I'm eating all of the evidence.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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