buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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