Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
