worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
