when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize