i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
