Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
