just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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