How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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