My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
