I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize