I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
