just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
