I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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