Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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