your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
