What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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