I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is the high leading the old right now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
