I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
