"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
