btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
