Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
