girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
