im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
