I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
