your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
