On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
