I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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