All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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