i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
