I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
