Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
