Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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