they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
