I CAN MOONWALK!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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