My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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