I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
