that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
