That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
