new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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