Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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