Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize