keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
