I will die if light touches me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
