dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
