and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
