It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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