and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
