What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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