Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
