the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
