lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
