Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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