adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
