Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
