ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
