Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
