There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
