$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
