he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
