If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize