just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
